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Thursday, June 23, 2005
Switching Over...
Topic: Tech Stuff
From now on, all my entries will be on Blogger. Go to to view the new blog.

Posted by Tim at 2:41 PM CDT
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
The End
Topic: Niggas and Negroes
OK so last night Re'ale (notice the name isn't in bold anymore!) and I had a conversation. Actually more of a final fight since there was more yelling than conversing. All I wanted to know was what was going on...I mean REALLY going on. He stuck to his lie...I mean story about why he didn't call, saying things like I didn't know you couldn't leave messages on voicemail, it didn't occur to me to call your cell phone or to text message you. Now let us not forget that we've dated for over a month, and how many messages has he left on my voicemail at work? Also let us not forget that he has never forgotten to text message me or call my cell phone. Let us just say that he is a 19 year old...well I digress.

So after he told me these lies and I basically told him to cut the crap, I asked him if he thought this was a joke. HE STARTED GIGGLING. At that point I'm so angry that I'm literally seeing red, and I start shaking (the international sign that I'm ready to explode). At that point, I did. I told him to fuck off and to have a good fucking time at Northern...with a heavy emphasis on fucking.

My associate Charles was at the house and unfortunately, witnessed my episode. He calmed me down before I took him home and drove around the city until about 11:30pm, then came back home and went to bed.

Switching Gears....
The event that I'm hosting on Thursday made the RedEye newspaper this morning (page 29) and is listed on Metromix! I guess good things do some out of a somewhat difficult situation.

I'm leaving work at 1:00pm today. More later...

Posted by Tim at 9:30 AM CDT
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
NOT a Normal Tuesday
Mood:  irritated
Topic: Niggas and Negroes
I've got a few things to get off of my chest, so sit back and enjoy the ride......

First off, shout-outs to Tony, Trent, Vincent and ChurchBoy. A SPECIAL THANK YOU to Tony for letting me vent before he went to work this afternoon.

Here we go...
For starters, I simply do not understand why negroes simply want to continue to play games. Re'ale spent the night at my house last night, and when we left this morning it was by way of public transportation. He doesn't live in the safest area in the city so I asked him to call me when he got home. He agreed. SIX AND A HALF HOURS LATER I had to call him to see what was up! Needless to say I ended up getting very angry with him and slamming the phone down because personally, I feel that if a person agrees to do something, they should do it and not dick around about it. If a person is truly concerned about your safety and wants to make sure that you are ok, well damnit be grateful that somebody cares about you. And Re'ale, I am completely finished!!! I can no longer allow you to drive my blood pressure up or my T-cell count down because you're thinking that I'm either fuckin playin or think that this is a joke. STOP WASTING MY TIME BECAUSE IT'S TOO PRECIOUS TO WASTE!!!
When I confronted him about his lack of calling, you know he told me that he didn't know he could leave messages on my work phone (lie #1), that it didn't occur to him to call my cell phone or text message me (lies #2 and #3 - total bullshit) and that he was sorry. I'm so sick and tired of people using the words "I'm Sorry" as a damn crutch!

ANOTHER THING about sorry ass niggas...while I was on my two-hour lunch today I was leaving the Thompson Center downtown and ran into this guy that I've known by-sight-but-not-really-by-name for years. We start walking and talking, and I decided I wanted to hang out with him this afternoon after I got know, go have a cocktail or something. When it came time to exchange numbers this is how it went:
Tim: So what's your number so I can hit you up when I get off?
Person A: What's YOUR number?
Tim: Now come on, I asked you for your number first. Here's a pen and paper.
Person A: I'll give you mine after you give me yours.
Tim: I don't have time for games. Give me your number and I'll definitely do the same.
Person A: I can't give it out.
which immediately led me to taking my pen back from this scrub and leaving him standing there at Madison and Wabash. My point is, why do niggas always have to play a stupid game? My head hurts almost daily because people want to be ignorant and play ignorant games. I'm 28 years old and the only games I like to play or be played in are on my computer and PS2.

SPEAKING OF SORRY NIGGAS THAT LIKE TO PLAY GAMES....there's Craig. Now Craig and I have physically known each other for at least 3-4 years, ever since I lived in Hyde Park. Craig was even on American Idol...he made it to Hollywood but got cut. Now the last time we saw each other I lived in Hyde Park, and had to put him out of my house because I don't appreciate it when people tell me how to run my house. (Click here to read that particular entry.) Anyhow last Thursday we were supposed to hang out at my house - I even volunteered to pick him up from his house because his car wasn't available. At 2:00pm he agreed to that, but at 6:45pm when I was on my way to his house, he told me that he was afraid of my attitude and that I might jap out on him. I told him "whatever, I'll talk to you later" and hung up the phone. He ended up texting me this morning asking if he could see me tonight (obviously he has his car back but I digress) and I told him that I'd have to see. When I called him back at noontime, he had an attitude so I hung up and sent him a message basically telling him that we needed to chill out. He blew up my cell phone at that point explaining to me that he was not feeling well and on medication. If you're not feeling well and are on medication, why would you be coming over to my house to make me sick too???

OK - let's switch gears here.

Darren came over yesterday afternoon. We had a good time together. We talked, explained to each other what we wanted, and then decided to see if it could happen. We even decided to make plans to try and go to the White Sox game on July 4. I want to get seats on Club Level at $20 a pop. Darren seems like cool peeps, he works, is old school and likes to have fun. I think at this point however a relationship is not going to happen immediately because my mind isn't right. I'm not in the frame of mind of being in a relationship because right now I know I'm very bitter and jaded, because I've been treated like a throw rug for the longest. Who knows what can happen in the future however.....

Timberland Update:
I acquired 5 pairs of Timberlands this year: Red, White, Dark Blue, Tan and Burgandy. I want the black ones and the wheat ones, and my collection will be complete. I'll put a photo up here eventually. But yes I love Timberland, Enyce, Girbaud, Guess and Akademics.

Borrowing A Line:
Tony has gotton into Memes. I had to steal a post from him. It's called "Have You Honestly..."
1. ... got so drunk u woke up in an unfamiliar bed? well yeah i have, that's why i don't drink anymore.
2. ... got so pissed that you almost strangled someone? TODAY.
3. ... got so hungry you feel like eating your own flesh?!
4. ... got so addicted to something that got you in trouble? oh yeah, DNA (dick n ass)
5. ... got so sick you feel like dying? yeah when i first got on my meds

I have the Mayor's reception tomorrow, Pride on the Plaza on Thursday, and the Pride Parade on Sunday. Also I no longer have a boyfriend so I guess I can let loose at the Pride Parade this year. I guess things do happen for a reason.

Thank you all for listening. More later...

Posted by Tim at 3:47 PM CDT
Monday, June 20, 2005
Monday Again
Topic: Life
I hope everyone had a good weekend. For starters, let me say a BIG what's up to Trent and Tony. Always good to holla at you all.

Let me get on my soapbox for just a minute. Maybe it's just me, but I'm so sick and tired of these wanna-be on the DL niggas (that have pictures of their face, dick and ass on and, these real queeny guys that think they're better than everybody, and these niggas out there that don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. I'm tired of niggas that think it's fun to get all up in your business and then turn the facts around. I'm also tired of niggas that wanna get mad because I speak my mind and don't mince words...even when it comes to my friends. Yeah I may be a black gay male, yeah I may be positive but you best believe that I don't give a damn about what anybody has to say or think about me. And furthermore, I may not have a SUV, I may only live in a studio, and fags in Chicago may talk about me like a damn dog, but I'm grateful for the little blessings that I do have, and NOBODY can take those away from me. And I can guarantee that it's more than you have!!! Fuck y'all!!!

On a lighter note, I ran into someone today named Darren. Now Darren and I have known each other for about three years off-and-on. I was on my way back from CTA headquarters this afternoon on the #20 Madison bus and saw him get off at State Street. (Ironically it was my stop.) I hopped off and ran up to him. We walked and talked for a little bit, then we went to Subway. Come to find out, Darren has pretty much had the hots for me for the past two years, and I kinda thought that, but also thought it would never work because Darren and I are both tops...and personally, I KNOW I would want to hit it sometime soon. Darren is about 6 feet tall, a very thick brotha, and extremely attractive. He works (THANK YOU GOD) and has his own place. Today we're hanging out for a little while. We'll see how it goes.

Finally, Re'ale. Yes I do care about him very much but after this weekend I'm not so sure. Remember on Saturday's entry I said that he couldn't take me? I really got to thinking about that. While I'm not an overly agressive top, I do like to hit it every now and then (I mean REALLY hit it, thug-style with the timberlands on, you name it). Saturday I wasn't really going for the gusto and he was only able to take me for about a minute and a half! He told me that he had to get used to me, which I can understand.
But what I can't understand is that in the beginning he was taking it like a soldier, and now all of a sudden he can't. Can someone explain that one to me?

This week I have a lot going on. There's the Mayor's Gala for the GLBT community (invite only) on Wednesday, my event at Bank One Plaza on Thursday, and then the Pride Parade on Sunday. The following weekend is Chicago's version of Black Gay Pride, so for the next couple of weeks I'll be hopping. I'm quite sure I'll have some interesting stories to tell, so stay tuned!!! New stuff every day!

More later...

Posted by Tim at 4:10 PM CDT
Sunday, June 19, 2005
A Public Invitation
Mood:  celebratory
On Thursday, June 23, 2005, Bank One (my job) will be having PRIDE ON THE PLAZA, a celebration of Pride Month. It will be held at Bank One Plaza, located at Monroe and Dearborn streets in downtown Chicago. I will be hosting this event on behalf of PRIDE-Chicago, Bank One's GLBT organization, in which I am the chairperson.

Food and drinks (both alcoholic and non-alcoholic) are FREE. Admission is FREE.

I am inviting all of my online blog readers to come and join us!!!

If you have a question please post it as a comment and I'll answer it, within 12 hours.

Posted by Tim at 11:12 PM CDT
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Back To Normality?
Topic: Life
OK so me and Re'ale got back together. It came at the price of both of us admitting that we were both wrong.

So check this out. I called him early this morning and told him that I wanted to talk to him. My associate Xavier was with me from last night so I took him to the train station before going to pick up Re'ale. First we go to his aunt's friend's house so he could get some money, then we went to North Riverside Park Mall to look around and to eat. On the way there I told him that I was sorry for acting like an ass. He said the same thing, and we put that in the past.

When we got back to my place, I felt like we had done like that song "Break Up To Make Up". We had us some damn good make up sex. We had some wonderful foreplay, then he wanted me to fuck him. So I completely obliged. I got on his back, flipped him over and got inside him. Unfortunately he couldn't take too much of me for too long, then we just jagged off.

So for the moment, all is well.

Posted by Tim at 5:34 PM CDT
Updated: Saturday, June 18, 2005 10:07 PM CDT
Friday, June 17, 2005
The Trouble With Re'ale - Chapter II
Mood:  irritated
Topic: Life

Regardless of the size of the lie, a lie is a lie, no matter what. When he came over to my house on Tuesday, he was obviously affected by alcohol. Seeing as it was his graduation night, I didn't think too much of it.
Convo from Tuesday Night:
Tim: So how does it feel to be a graduate?
Re'ale: It doesn't really feel different.
Tim: It hasn't hit you yet but it will. How many drinks did you have tonight?
Re'ale: I had six shots of vodka.

Note that the key words are in red. Come to find out this morning that he lied about that too. He didn't have six, he had TEN. In all honesty, I wouldn't have cared how many he had, provided he didn't lie to me about it. This is the second (and final) time he's lied about something that he didn't have to lie about.

I called the Hilton Garden Inn and immediately cancelled the reservation for tonight. I refuse to be with anyone that has to tell lies period, then turn around and come up with a fantastic story to try and cover up a lie. For instance:
Convo from this morning:
Tim: Why didn't you call me back last night? I was up until 3AM waiting for you.
Re'ale: I'm sorry. I'm under a lot of pressure. I was arguring with my aunt all night last night....
Tim: I told you that you were changing. The last time you were under a lot of pressure, and arguring with everyone in the house you blew up my cell phone trying to find me. And now all of a sudden you're "forgetting" stuff? Come on now...
Re'ale: But still.....nothing is changing. I'm not changing because of that (my HIV status)

The rest of that conversation is a blur because I was so upset and angry at him that I just had to hang up the phone. Another thing that got me was that he said I was "pushing him away" by arguring with him. No buddy, YOU'RE pushing ME away by telling these lies!!!

So I quit! I give up on him. I wish him the best of luck in college but I have to look out for myself. I have to go with what actions are showing me, and actions are showing me that this is not going to work out.

More later...

Posted by Tim at 10:52 AM CDT
Updated: Friday, June 17, 2005 11:16 AM CDT
The Trouble With Re'ale
Mood:  down
Topic: Life

I guess I'm just a stickler for detail but when someone says that they're going to do something, it should be done right? Last night Re'ale and I were talking when he said "well I'm going to go and I'll call you back in twenty minutes". I guess time went to minute 19 and stopped because I have not heard from him. This truly is not like him, and I believe something is up.

You know,
Churchboy said it best yesterday:
Yo - yo son...I think it's a wrap between you and the high school graduate. You're right - if communication is dwindling and he's not the same as he used to be, thn in his's completely over. If I were you, I wouldn't even waste my time trying to recover w/him. I'd just leave it where it is - and move forward. If it is to be, then cool - but, you can probably guess that at this point, it's not going back to where it once was. Oh, the whims and carpices of the youth...that's what a wise ol' queen told me once.

Here's the problem: I really do like him. I don't want to hurt him. I guess for me it's difficult to let go once I get really attached to someone. I even went as far as getting him a graduation present that I'll bet no one has thought of: tonight I was going to take him to Addison, Illinois, to the Hilton Garden Inn for the evening, including a trip to Dave and Buster's Addison for dinner and games. As I sit here this morning I'm actually debating whether or not I should take him, and cancel the reservation. I called him this morning and (big surprise!) got his voicemail. I left him a message. Hopefully he'll decide to call me back today. I have a feeling that this could be the final chapter in this series.

An update later (maybe)....

Posted by Tim at 9:31 AM CDT
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Random Thoughts
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: Life
With nothing really to do at work today, I've just been thinking about stuff...

For starters, Re'ale. I seriously think that I did more damage than good by telling him what was really up with me. Things aren't the same anymore. Our communication has dwindled, he doesn't seem that excited about being with me/around me anymore, and he doesn't even tell me at the end of our conversations "I'm feelin you" anymore. Again, maybe it's my paranoia or fear of being alone, but maybe it's just him trying to accept me now...I honestly don't know.

Second thought: what do I really want? A couple years ago that answer would have been simple: A good nigga that works (or is in school), is holding down his own, that isn't totally dependent on another, that wants to do things with his other half, that isn't a big club-head or into games, that isn't ASHAMED of who they are (in other words is NOT DL), that I can trust. Over time I withdrew some of the things I wanted because I wanted to be with someone so badly, that I sacrificed some of me to be with them. I kept taking away and taking away until there was nothing left. Then I entered the I-Don't-Give-A-Damn stage, where I just fucked niggas just to be fuckin niggas. Looking back at that, I realized that I allowed niggas to control me by sacrificing myself and my beliefs, just to feel wanted for a short while. Like Derek said in his journal:

Sure you have many partners and are possibly sexed out of your mind but at night when you wanna be held or when the thunder is loud....are those people you've been nutting with there to comfort you....

When you need $20 more to cover that bill....are those niggas that were screaming your name there to bail you out.

When you wake up one day and find yourself 50 or 60 years old with years of ass under your belt but no one to share dinner, vacation or retirement with.....then what?

Yeah I'm looking for the one brotha that I can hold...that will help me out...that I can retire with. ONE nigga. Yeah I may go on men4now and adam4adam (because I know some hatin bitch is probably reading this and wants to try and check me) but the good news is that once I get COMMITTED, that all stops.

On another note, I'm going to start mirroring this blog with my old blog on, starting with this entry. At some point this particular blog will disappear and I'll switch back to blogger.

This by far will not be the only entry today. More later...

Posted by Tim at 10:55 AM CDT
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
A Whole Bunch Of Dilemmas...And The Sex Quiz
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: Life
Today I got a couple of dilemmas.

First of all, I know I need to get out more. A brief story: I partied every night from the time I turned 21 until the time I turned 25. I stopped going out COMPLETELY from 25 until about 27. Then I started going out every blue moon. I'm sitting at work today actually thinking about going out tonight, but (1) don't know where to go and (2) probably wouldn't want to get up in the morning. Should I go out, should I go out more, and where would I go on a Wednesday night?

Second dilemma. Yesterday at the graduation Re'ale introduced me to his aunt, his sister, his father and his brother. He introduced me to everyone as "one of my good friends". I played the role but in the back of my mind it just stuck with me. Stuck with me to the point whereas he came over to the house yesterday evening, and he was intoxicated. Not sloppy drunk, but you could tell he had been drinking. We started messing around, but I guess the liquor and the thoughts from what I told him earlier prevented him from going full throttle. All we did was kiss, lick each other, and jag off. It's been quite a while since I've had some good boy-punani, and I definitely need it!!! Jagging off just doesn't do it all the time, but I digress. My dilemma is, if he introduced me to his family as his "good friend", what's really going on? Maybe it's just my paranoia, but what gives? If you truly love a person as much as you say you do....need I go on?

OK, enough of the dilemmas. Feel free to leave comments.

I was on emotionalbrotha's weblog and came across this Sex Quiz. I had to put it up here and take it as well. (I hope you don't mind me usurping it from your blog man!)

1) How would you describe your sex role? Top, Bottom, or in the middle? Vers/Top

2) How old were you when you first had sex? 15

3) Was it straight or gay sex? Gay

4) How long did it last? Oh about 45 minutes

5) Do you remember his/her name? Yes

6) When was the last time you had sex? Depends on the definition of sex. Messing around - last night. Being inside of someone - it's been a minute

7) Where did you have sex at? My place

8) When was the best time have sex, early morning, afternoon, or late night booty call? Hell, ANYTIME!

9) What is the first thing you notice about someone you are attracted to? Eyes/Smile

10) Second thing? Personality

11) Third thing? Body and the way they carry themselves

12) Have you ever participated in group sex (group being 4 or more)? Hell yeah!

13) When was the last time you participated in group sex? I plead the fifth...LOL

14) Which is better, being watched during sex or watching sex? Watching, hands down

15) Have you ever douple dipped? (had sex with more than one person at seperate times in one day) Uh, yeah

16) Have you ever faked an orgasm? Telling the truth, yeah I have, during a phone bone

17) What is the weirdest sexual request someone has asked you to perform? "Water sports" (to pee on someone)

18) Did you do it? HELL NAW!

19) Have you ever had sex in public and where? Yeah, Jackson Park (I have no shame in my game, we've all been there once or twice..LOL)

20) What is your record number of orgasms in one day? You mean how many nuts in one day? 8.

21) Would you rather have great sex with an ugly guy/gal or ok sex with a hot guy/gal? Great sex with a ugly guy/gal

22) Would you ever tell a lie to have sex with someone? Yeah, but I try not to do it.

23) How would you rate your sex life on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the best? Probably a 7

24) Do you know how many sexual partners you have had sex with? WAY too many

25) Finally did you think about having sex after taking this quiz? I always think about sex.

More later...

Posted by Tim at 4:34 PM CDT
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
HE DID IT!!!!!!!
Mood:  celebratory
Re'ale GRADUATED!!!!!!!

Even though we may fuss and fight, and even though we see things differently, I still do care about him very much. Really I do. Sometimes we say things in anger that we will soon come to regret. And yes I've been angry at him for the past few days. But all in all, I still do care about him.

Posted by Tim at 2:18 PM CDT
Updated: Tuesday, June 14, 2005 11:30 PM CDT
Monday, June 13, 2005
Mood:  happy
Topic: Life

Posted by Tim at 4:19 PM CDT
Updated: Monday, June 13, 2005 4:33 PM CDT
HIV/AIDS Tops 1 Million Infections
Topic: Life
I found this article on today about HIV/AIDS that is truly startling:

More than a million Americans living with HIV
Government estimate reflects failure of prevention, critics say

For the first time since the height of the AIDS epidemic in the 1980s, more than a million Americans are believed to be living with the virus that causes AIDS, the government said Monday.

The latest estimate is both good and bad news — reflecting the success of drugs that keep more people alive and the failure of the government to “break the back” of the AIDS epidemic by its stated goal of 2005.

Critics say the new estimate reflects a failure of prevention, and it comes in the year that the government had set as its deadline to “break the back” of the AIDS epidemic.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said that between 1,039,000 and 1,185,000 people in the United States were living with HIV in December 2003. The previous estimate — released in 2002 — showed that between 850,000 and 950,000 people had the AIDS virus.

The jump reflects the role of medicines that have allowed people infected with the virus to live longer, said Dr. Ronald Valdiserri, deputy director of the CDC’s National Center for HIV, STD and TB Prevention.

“While treatment advances have been an obvious godsend to those living with the disease, it presents new challenges for prevention,” Valdiserri said.

60,000 new cases a year?
The challenges include overcoming a failure by the government to meet its 2005 goal of cutting in half the estimated 40,000 new HIV infections that have occurred every year since the 1990s. Then, Dr. Robert Janssen of the CDC pledged the government campaign would “break the back” of the epidemic.

CDC officials previously have said the country’s HIV infection rate has been “relatively stable” and without change. As the National HIV Prevention Conference was set to begin this week, Valdiserri said no new infection data will be available until next year.

However, recent outbreaks of HIV and sexually transmitted diseases in major cities around the country offer a hint that new infections may be as high as 60,000 cases a year, rather than the government estimate of 40,000, said Dr. Carlos del Rio, an Emory University professor of medicine.

“The U.S. has had a clear failure in HIV prevention — I think the increase in prevalence is a reflection of that, of the poor job we do in HIV prevention,” del Rio said.

He added that the higher number is not as surprising as why the country has not been able to curb new infections. He said the CDC hasn’t been given adequate resources to tackle HIV prevention and that experts have focused too much on whether it’s better to promote abstinence or condom use to stop the spread of the virus.

“We’re debating too much what to do and are not doing enough,” he said.

At the same time, reaching the 1 million mark is “a sign of both victory and failure,” said Terje Anderson, executive director of the National Association of People Living With AIDS.

“Part of the reason the number is so big is we’re not dying as before,” he said. “But the other problem is we have not made a significant dent in new infections.”

47 percent are black
Estimating the number of Americans with HIV has always been a difficult task for health officials, but this year’s figures are believed to be the most accurate ever thanks to wider case reporting.

Estimating the number of Americans with HIV has always been a difficult task for health officials. In the 1990s, the CDC and other agencies generally agreed that between 600,000 and 900,000 people had the virus, according to the University of California-San Francisco’s Center for HIV Information.

Previous estimates — as high as 1.5 million people — from the 1980s were later determined to be too high. For example, the CDC estimated in 1986 that between 1 million and 1.5 million people had HIV. In 1987, that was revised to 945,000 to 1.4 million and was refined in 1990 to 800,000 to 1.2 million.

Since the CDC’s previous HIV estimates didn’t include demographic information — age, gender, race, sexual orientation — for all 50 states, it’s impossible to determine what groups of people account for the increase in the latest estimate of people living with HIV.

However, the CDC estimates that blacks account for 47 percent of HIV cases; gay and bisexual men make up 45 percent of those living with the virus that causes AIDS, the health agency believes.

The CDC also warned those demographics may soon change because heterosexual blacks, women and others infected after having high-risk sex (such as with someone with HIV, an injection-drug user or a man who has sex with other men) now account for a larger proportion of those living with HIV than those who are living with full-blown AIDS.

I won't even touch this one. As a HIV survivor, I'm here to tell you that this virus is truly the worst thing to come out in at least the past 25 years (oops, i meant to say that George Bush is the worst). People, please don't make the mistake that I made. Practice safely. Don't let anyone take advantage of you sexually. And above all, BE CAREFUL.

Posted by Tim at 3:01 PM CDT
Reflecting On The Past
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Life
215 posts later here we are.

I spent a good part of this morning reading over posts in my old blog, the one I discontinued when I switched to Tripod's blog service. It's really funny when you read over stuff from two and three years ago to see how much you either acted a fool or how much you've learned since then.

So this afternoon I'm going to share some of the funniest...and some of the not-so funniest...posts.

Yesterday I met someone of substance! His name is Kiantae and he lives in the burbs. He's 21 (but doesn't act it at all), and appears to seriously have his act together. You know he even went to church with me yesterday? That's a first, as most brothas are trying to run FROM the church, not TO the church. We met on the phone, then met in person, went to church, and then went back to my place and watched Resident Evil. I suggested he stay over because he looked like he was getting tired (and because I wanted him to hold me all night -- call me selfish). He stayed over and gave me a ride to work this morning. He has class today (he's off from work -- lucky) and promised to come over about 9:30 tonight. I even invited him to go on the cruise with me in April. I'm excited -- from the word GO he has shown that he could be just about everything that I'm looking for. He doesn't go out to clubs, is in school, has a job, has his own car (shows responsibility), AND lives alone! All at 21! In all honesty I didn't think it was possible, but then again it always happens when you least expect it.
- posted by Timothy @ 11/10/2003 09:14:27 AM

Kiantae was one of the possibly worst mistakes I could have made. It's funny when you find someone that's VERY materialistic (but then again, I did have someone like that before.) Kiantae and I split up on December 4, 2003, made up on December 8, 2003, and split up again on December 23, 2003, prompting actions from me that are in the below entry.

Finally!!! A Normal Day!!!
Nothing too eventful happened today. Finally got the digital camera that I've wanted for so long. It's definitely one of the coolest and best purchases (and cheapest I might add) I've made in a long time. It's a Kodak, and so far it's all good.

I sent personals mail to four different females last night...I think that it's time for me to get my life together, to some regard. We'll see what happens from there.

Tomorrow is quickly the week goes by!
- posted by Timothy @ 1/7/2004 11:40:03 PM

This was a point where I started going after females (yes, females) after stupid ignorant niggas decided to push me way over the edge. It didn't work, obviously...LOL

Wednesday, February 13, 2002
Went out to Lithium last night. It's a very nicely designed club, almost as nicely designed at Atmosphere. I ran into a friend I haven't seen in about 8 months; we had a quick cocktail (for $15 you better believe it was a quick one) and went back to my place to finish off a bottle of wine I had stashed for Charles (who by the way didn't come over last night per my request). Then we crashed. Last night I told Charles that he was coming over tonight and either Thursday or Friday and that I wasn't taking no for an answer. He agreed to tonight (I'm not holding my breath). Why is it that Charles is suddenly not acting like the husband that he was at one point? Why is he neglecting me, and making me feel second and sometimes third-best? All of this on the eve of Valentine's Day. How cute. I cancelled the reservation at the Embassy Suites for us simply because (1) I need the money, and (2) He's not acting like a real husband so why the hell should I spend my hard-earned money? I have tried to be alone with him for the past several days to primarily talk to him and find out where we are, and suddenly issues start cropping up, like the 2am thing (see Feb 12). I will no longer tolerate being second and third best. Either he cleans up his act or that's it. I've been alone on Valentine's Day before, this one can be just like the rest of them...go to the bar, get full, meet someone and go home with them on an alcohol-induced high to make out with them...then get up the next morning and not remember who they are or where I met them. Hey, you know what they say, if you don't take care of home, home will be taken care of elsewhere. And right now Charles is definitely leaving the home unattended.
- posted by Timothy @ 2/13/2002 09:08:25 AM I was with someone named Charles. At this point in my life I'm going through the "if-we're-together-longer-than-2-weeks-we're-married" phase. Charles was in his 30s, had two kids, was a strict bottom, very much into church, and was kinda...well you can read the above post and judge for yourself.

I'll share some more entries soon.
Let me just say one more thing before I go. I find it funny that people claim to want a relationship, get in one, and then want to be a undercover hoe, when they can just say these words: "I'm not trying to be in a relationship, I'm just trying to have fun", and be a hoe with no attachments.

See you all later.

Posted by Tim at 2:06 PM CDT
Updated: Monday, June 13, 2005 4:34 PM CDT
Sunday, June 12, 2005
One Hell Of A Weekend
Now Playing: Common - Love Is
Topic: Life
First off, we're fighting.

Re'ale and I got into a serious argument over the weekend over some stupid stuff. For starters, I don't like a liar, let alone a liar that lies about petty stuff that they didn't have to lie about in the first place. I told Re'ale on Thursday what the real deal was, and that he wasn't in any real danger because we never did anything unprotected. Well it turns out that he went to the doctor on Friday and got tested anyway...which I don't have a problem with. But here's where the lie comes in, in a phone convo:

Re'ale: Nothing's going on right now, just helping my aunt with her schoolwork.
Tim: What's she gonna do when you go away to school in the next two months?
Re'ale: I don't know. Let me call you back in about 3 minutes when I'm done helping her.
Tim: OK.

Turns out he wasn't helping his aunt with anything, he was on his way to the clinic, but I'm upset because he (1) tried to cover it up, and (2) didn't have to lie about it. Then we got into it because I told him that things would change once I came clean with him. Now keep in mind that this is a person that is very much true to his word. If he says that he'll call back in 3 minutes, 3 minutes later the phone is ringing. He started "forgetting" to call me and "forgetting" to come over. But the final argument came this afternoon when I had to let him know some stuff. Last night my friend from Ohio came over and Re'ale decided to pop over. My friend (his name is D, and he is a masseur) wanted to give me a shoulder and back massage, which I sorely needed. He started before Re'ale came over and finished while Re'ale was here. Re'ale had a fit because a good friend of mine was giving me a back massage...let me take that back. D did go a little bit too far, and I checked him on that. Re'ale didn't trust me that I would check him on it and got mad - jealous more like it. So today after church we have a big argument over that, and I just came out and told him that I couldn't trust him anymore because he lied, and he told me (in not so many words) that he had a serious problem with what happened with D (which I can understand). However if your other half has asked you to trust him when he says that he will take care of the issue, wouldn't you? Finally, I have said it on numerous occasions, DO NOT TELL ME HOW TO RUN MY HOUSE. I am the only person that can dictate who is being too comfortable and who is not. UNLESS YOU ARE PAYING SOMETHING ON THE RENT, SHUT THE HELL UP!

Because of all of this, I told Re'ale that we didn't know each other well enough to be in a relationship, and that we were going to step back to "dating" status, getting to know each other.

I guess the question is, am I wrong for feeling a little upset? Am I wrong for feeling upset that he lied, even though it was a little one? (I've always been told that if you lie once, you'll lie again, and the next lie won't be as small.) You all be the judge - leave me a comment.

Oh...Friday at Hunter's was wonderful! I danced, danced, and danced some more. This short stocky white guy was trying to hit on me and I entertained his conversation for a short while. Then this tall skinny black guy tried to holla but I could tell that he was high on something...and it wasn't weed.

Well back to work tomorrow, then Tuesday is Re'ale's graduation. Yes I'm still going.

More later...

Posted by Tim at 11:31 PM CDT
Friday, June 10, 2005
It's FRIDAY!!!
Mood:  happy
Topic: Life
I get to go home at 1:00pm today.

First off thanks to all the nice comments and e-mails that I received about yesterday's entry. It wasn't easy to admit to everybody about my status but now that I have, I feel a lot better. (Plus people can't use the "I didn't know" card anymore.)

Tonight I decided to do something a little different. I booked a room at a Hilton property in the burbs and I'm going clubbing in the burbs tonight, then crash at the hotel. Beats trying to drive all the way home at 3 in the morning. Besides, tonight's supposed to be a nice night. I asked Stephen to come with me; I'm still waiting on a reply from him. But whether he comes or not, I'm still going to have a good time.

The Wonka Ball yesterday evening was wonderful. Re'ale came with me and even though I had the day from hell yesterday, we still have somewhat of a good time. I finally told him the truth - the whole truth about everything - on yesterday. Here's the gist of our very short text messaging convo after I told him:

Re'ale: I told you I wasn't going anywhere.
Tim: now I believe it baby. i'm truly blessed to have someone like you..and I don't deserve it. I welcome u into my fucked up as it is now
Re'ale: It isn't fucked up

After that I called him and we talked until he got home.

This afternoon I'm just pretty much going to chill out at home before I venture off to the hotel for the evening. We'll see how much fun I have tonight out at the club!

More later...

Posted by Tim at 12:08 PM CDT
Thursday, June 9, 2005
Coming Clean About Some Serious Stuff....
Mood:  not sure
Topic: Life
In a previous entry Tony made mention of the stigma given to HIV folks. For those people that were too lazy to click above, here it is below:
"While I can’t the refute the numbers pumped out by the Center of Disease Control where one third of all gay black men are HIV positive, but I have a problem with constant villanizing the gay population. To spout a tired line, black people don’t see the doctor now, after chalking up gay black men as the new anti-Christ what makes people think that they’ll go for testing, counseling and follow ups. People should think before they start point fingers because soon or later those fingers will point back to themselves.
Did that last line sound like Jerry Springer’s Final Thought or what? On a semi-related note, I was somewhere, on some site reading comments which is what I do LURK, and I was sadden by the ignorance of one commentator. Their words exactly “These faggots need to stop killin’ and infecting the str8 females with HIV and go back to killing each other.” No, this wasn’t from and I was upset because there’s a still a great deal of people who don’t know how this virus affects people. I have several close friends and associates who are LIVING with the virus, not out killing straight women or infect others. Being HIV positive is not a death sentence, I wish more people could see that."

I say all of that to go into what I'm about to say. Sissies in Chicago are absolutely terrible. People in general are cruel and terrible. They will say whatever they want to say, hurt whomever they want to hurt, then run into the church house every Sunday and with that same mouth praise God. (Yes, I'm even guilty of that one on occasion.) Let me put something out there that I'm really hesitant to do but I feel it's necessary. As far as Tony's words are concerned, I totally agree, not only because I know several people myself that are HIV positive (and are a lot healthier than most of us, let me tell you), but I am myself. It took me a little while to come to acceptance of it but I have...somewhat. I just found out recently. Do I know how I got it? I'm not going to say I definitely know, but I have an idea as to whom. No I'm not as skinny as a rail nor do I "look" sick but I do know what to do and what NOT to do with people.

I will probably catch a lot of flack from putting this entry on my blog, but I do not care anymore. This is my way of letting people know that either don't know or potentially want to get to know me, as well as putting any rumors to bed. Yes it is true. So what? As long as I use a condom and don't cum in someone's mouth or ass we'll be all good right? As long as I don't let anyone on my back and hit it raw we're all good right? (We all know the possibility of someone getting inside me is very slim, this was the last time it happened.)

Now that I've gotton that off of my chest, it's time to move on to the next thing. Thank you for allowing me into your home, and good night America.

More later...

Posted by Tim at 1:09 PM CDT
Wednesday, June 8, 2005
Tuesday Night At The Movies
Topic: Niggas and Negroes
Last night Re'ale and I went to a sneak preview of the movie The Honeymooners. The movie itself was short and kinda nice but I found it kinda hard to get into at first, but as the movie went on I thought it was ok.

When we got to the theater, there was ONE LONG LINE that was so long it has wrapped around itself at least once. And unfortunately Re'ale and I had to be at the end of that line! (We found out that it was for two different sneak previews but they put everybody in one line.) Then the line started to move, around the corner, we came upon...

I half expected to see some people from the TSA there. Theater security screened EVERYBODY, even went as far as going into people's bags and purses, even asking folks to show them their cell phones. (People, PLEASE STOP BOOTLEGGING - because of you all this is what we have to go through NOW!)

We went through security (man this sounds like I'm at the airport!) and got into the actual theater. All around us was ghetto fab folks, and although I can be a salamander and blend in with my surroundings, I couldn't blend in with this! To show you how ghetto fab these folks were, when the lights started going down and the movie began, folks was still walking in front of the screen, talking LOUDLY to each other, gabbing LOUDLY on their cell phones...hell I heard enough Nokia ringers that night to last me for the next two weeks! Finally everybody decided to shut up and watch the movie, but I guess folks don't know how to stay in their seats (or at least to duck down when they walk in front of the screen!). Folks kept walking in front of the screen all during the movie - all you saw was Cedric on the screen and a shadow of a body on the screen. COME ON PEOPLE!! STOP ACTIN LIKE YOU AT HOME WHEN YOU GO TO THE SHOW!

Anyhow, besides all the wanna-be-ghetto-fab at the show, it was a nice evening. Re'ale and I went back to my house for a little while and then I took him home. Tonight Re'ale is coming back over to stay the evening, and tomorrow evening we're attending a function together. Should be fun!!!

More later...

Posted by Tim at 2:30 PM CDT
Updated: Wednesday, June 8, 2005 2:31 PM CDT
Tuesday, June 7, 2005
Just a regular Tuesday...
Topic: Life's Tuesday. Nothing exciting to report.

Now if you believe that, you'll believe anything. Let's start with last night...

Tony was kind enough to give me for my birthday the entire second season of Dave Chappell on DVD. Last night Re'ale and I were watching it. Now I'm going to profess right now that I'm a little ignorant when it comes to Dave, simply because I haven't had Comedy Central for about 2 years now. I have cable but it's through the building, which means it's strictly basic cable. No Comedy Central, No HBO, no nothing. Let's just say that Re'ale and I probably have never laughed so hard - especially when Dave started going into the Rick James skits! I need to go home and watch them again tonight. the length of time that I've been blogging, I've had the fortune of associating myself with a few people that I speak of on an almost daily basis, Derek and Tony. Now I can add one more to the mix, The Church Boy. I keep telling him that I'm coming out to the east coast next month and that I want to see him and kick it with him but either he's not in or near the DC metroplex or he thinks I'm joking. Hopefully this mention will get his attention and let him know that I'm being serious.

Speaking of DC, like I said in my last entry, I'll be coming back to DC next month. I talked with Scott over the weekend, and as much as I'd like to see him, I won't be able to because he'll be OUT OF TOWN. Demarco has been talking to me almost every day so it'll be good to see him again. I don't know what Vince's schedule is for that weekend but we'll see. Stephen and I will be staying in a suite in Northwest DC, and I'll be out at (at the minimum) Omega DC and The Fireplace. I got two days there so we'll see.

Plans for Atlanta are proceeding. I plan on being there September 1 through September 4. More info later.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program....already in progress.

Posted by Tim at 1:05 PM CDT
Updated: Tuesday, June 7, 2005 1:33 PM CDT
Monday, June 6, 2005
DC - Here I Come Again!!!
Topic: The DC Trip
It's official - I'll be going back to Washington DC for yet another weekend. I'll be arriving on July 15th and departing July 17th (God willing). Stephen is going with me and we decided to get a suite in NW DC.

Posted by Tim at 3:48 PM CDT

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